Early in my career, I faced the challenge of leading a team of individuals who had many more years of experience than I. This situation caused me quite a bit of concern.
So, to compensate for my lack of experience I put up an emotional wall between myself and the team members. As a result, our work environment was very stressful.
One day while meeting with one of the team members, I asked what the problem was with the team. My team member told me I needed to connect with them, and I needed to be more sensitive to their emotions. In so many words, she was telling me I needed to increase my emotional intelligence.
Needless to say, I was taken aback. But, more about that later…
Do you want to know your emotional intelligence? There are many assessments you can complete online to determine your EI level, but here are five questions that can help you get a basic idea.
#1 What are your values?
Name a handful of values that are the most important to you. These should be the core values that guide your decision-making, the things you strive for in life.
Actually, this is a trick question. Ask yourself this: how long did it take for you to think of your core values? Are you still wondering what they are?
People with high emotional intelligence know their core values well. These values are always at the forefront of their mind. If you struggled to consider yours, you may need a little boost to your EI. Self-awareness is one of the cornerstones of EI and improving your EI can help you become more self-aware.
#2 Do you recognize your emotions as you experience them?
In other words, could you tell someone what emotional state you’re in while you’re in it? Can you identify which emotions are driving your behavior? Alternatively, do you get overcome and upset and only later discover the emotions behind what you were feeling?
Answer this question as honestly and objectively as possible. People with high EI can identify their emotions as they feel them. They know how to regulate and control, and thus handle emotions in an appropriate way. If you don’t feel that you can, you could stand to improve your emotional intelligence.
#3 Do your emotions have a strong impact on how you behave?
Are you generally in control of your emotions, or are you led by them? Consider a time recently when you’ve felt a strong emotion. Did you do or say anything rash? Or, in spite of what you were feeling, were you able to handle the situation calmly and appropriately?
Emotional intelligence gives you control over your emotions and provides coping mechanisms to help you deal with them.
#4 Are you curious about people?
Are you generally interested in other people, and especially people you don’t know? People who are emotionally intelligent are good listeners and strongly empathetic. They take a sincere interest in other people. If this sounds like you, you probably have a high level of emotional intelligence.
#5 Can You “Read” People?
Can you understand the emotions and motivations behind the things people do or say? Most people aren’t truly self-aware, and this comes through in the way that they communicate. They may communicate through subtle phrases or body language hints, and they may not even be aware that they’re doing it.
If you’re emotionally intelligent, you can read these signals and understand the emotions behind them. This makes you an excellent communicator and empathetic person.
These five questions are far from thorough, but hopefully, they’ve given you some idea of where you stand in terms of emotional intelligence. Remember that EI is something you can learn and improve. Let this be a starting point for nurturing your emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is not the opposite of intelligence; it is not the triumph of heart over head – it is the unique intersection of both.”
David Caruso
Now, the rest of the story. At the recommendation of my team member, over time I worked on my emotional intelligence. As my EI I increased, so did the team’s performance. Improving my EI worked for me…
What’s your level of emotional intelligence?
Your leadership guide,
Kim
Dr. Kim Moore | Your Leadership Guide | kimdmoore.com
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