One of my favorite expressions as a mother is, “Everything that comes up doesn’t have to come out!” I use this expression frequently when speaking with our millennial children.

Now let me explain what I mean by the expression and why I love this expression. The point of the statement is to think before we speak. Why? Because once your words are released, you cannot take them back. Therefore, it is crucial to think before you speak.

Thinking before you speak is especially essential if your emotions are running hot. If you feel you have been wronged, or the topic of discussion is personal, you will need time to process and reflect on the information before responding.

I know this is challenging because, in my youth, I was quick to respond to all perceived injustices. As I entered adulthood, I anointed myself as a champion of truth. I believed I should always share my thoughts on whether I was asked or not.

During my undergraduate college experience, my strong opinions were encouraged by my professors in my courses. My professors appreciated my willingness to engage in discussions actively. Although I was one of the youngest students in my circle of friends, my friends would often seek my advice and ask for my assistance in championing their cause.

Throughout my experiences, my outspoken behavior provided me with more benefits than downsides until I joined the Reserve Officer Training Corps (ROTC) in college. As a cadet, I learned very quickly that I needed to think before I spoke.

My fellow cadets did not appreciate my outspokenness. While I thought I was helping my fellow cadets by challenging cadet leaders’ decisions, my peers felt differently. When it was time to conduct our peer evaluations, my fellow cadets rated me as the worse cadet in the unit.

My Sergeant Major helped me to understand the need to reflect and think before I shared my thoughts. He explained that leaders set the example, and my behavior was not setting the right example. As I listened to him, instead of reacting to his words, I chose to reflect on the lesson he was teaching me.

“Nothing in life breeds resilience like adversity and failure.”

Dr. John C. Maxwell

I realized that I need to change my behavior. During my transformation, I still shared my opinion; however, I spent more time reflecting on my words’ effect before speaking. As a result of his assistance, I went from being rated the worst cadet by my peers to the first female cadet commander.

Leaders will face challenging situations every day, and there will be numerous opportunities for leaders to speak out. But leaders must remember their words have an impact. Therefore, reflecting before reacting is crucial to a leader’s success.

John Maxwell reminds us, “During times of uncertainty, one of the easiest traps we can fall into is simply reacting to everything around us.”

So the next time you want to speak your mind, remember, “Everything that comes up doesn’t have to come out!”

Do you reflect instead of reacting to adversity?

#YourLeadershipGuide
Kim


Want to be a better leader during times of crisis? Click HERE to view my free Leading Through Crisis Masterclass and learn how.

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Dr. Kim Moore

About the author

I'm Kim, your Educational Leadership Guide. I equip educational leaders with research-based and experientially learned educational leadership principles and best practices to promote student success.


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