One of my husband’s favorite commercials features the word NO. The word “no” is a typical response to many of the questions we ask every day. Like many of you, I first learned the word no as a toddler. In fact, it was my favorite word when I was two years old.
As I grew up, I began to understand the power of the word no. Through my mother’s facial expressions and body language, I learned you didn’t need to say the word for the meaning of the word to be conveyed.
My mother also taught me how to turn a phrase into no without ever saying the word. For example, one of her favorite ways of saying no was, “people in hell want ice water; when they get it, you will get those shoes.”
When I became a parent, I also mastered the word no. My children could read my body language and know what my response would be. I carried my mastery of the no into my work environment.
As a young officer, I had the privilege of serving as a company commander. Our job was to turn high school graduates into soldiers. It was the best job I had in the military.
As the leader of the organization, I had the final say in all decisions. When I first assumed command, my Drill Sergeants would come to me with suggestions on how to improve our performance. Over time, I noticed only my First Sergeant or Senior Drill Sergeant would come to me with suggestions.
So, one day I ask my Senior Drill Sergeant what was going on? He said, “Ma’am when you wear your hair in a tight bun without your bang, we know it’s not going to be a good day. Therefore, your first response will be no.”
Well, as you can imagine, I was stunned by his response. At first, I thought he was way off base in his assessment; however, I decided to seek more information from some of my friends.
Over lunch with a couple of girlfriends, I raised the issue with them. They all laughed and agreed with the assessment. One friend also told me, I tilt my head and look over my glasses. Then my friend said, “if you place your hands on your hip, lookout!” They all burst out in laughter again.
Those words still resonate with me today. The difference is that I am now aware of my body language. I learned that even when my mouth was saying yes, my body language was saying no. In fact, I realized that my go-to word was no, and I needed to change my approach to be an effective leader.
John Maxwell’s Leading Through Crisis Perspective Principle # 2 is “There is always an answer.” John also says “the greatest gap between successful and unsuccessful people is their thinking. Successful people live on the other side of yes, and as a result, find answers others miss.”
Now instead of saying no, I try to find a way to say yes.
“People may hear your words but they feel your attitude”
John Maxwell
Using coaching questions, I guide my team to move beyond the obvious to find solutions to the complex challenges we face today.
Are you finding answers during times of crisis?
#YourLeadershipGuide
Kim
Want to be a better leader during times of crisis? Click HERE to view my free Leading Through Crisis Masterclass and learn how.
Lead Confidently
Expand Influence
Achieve Significance
0 comments